I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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