ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
