She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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