I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
