Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Randomize
