We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
