Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
