So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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