I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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