it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
