so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
