My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Found your dick twin last night
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
