i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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