im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
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