Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
