sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
