it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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