He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
