One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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