I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
