some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I will be naked everywhere
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
