I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
