I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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