My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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