I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
