You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
