you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
