So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
