people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
