low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
