idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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