I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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