I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
