when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
