she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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