dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
