everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Randomize
