i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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