My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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