You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
