you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
No stitches, just platelets and will power
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We left an ass print on the piano.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
