whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
