i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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