I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
