The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
