About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
