he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
