I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
