how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
