two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
