I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
