Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
