It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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