apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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