Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
