Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
