I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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