I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
