I want to make a zoo with you.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
