You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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