she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
