She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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