I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
