u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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