singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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