She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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