fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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