All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
