Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
