i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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